Acneboy
2002-02-12 1:01 p.m.
Sad day for geeks, robots
In December of 1995 the DVD consortium was formed and the following tasks were set aside for it (add the words "WITH AN IRON FIST!" to the end of each task for dramatic enhancement):
  1. Create a specification for the DVD format
  2. Create a copy protection scheme
  3. Rule the fate of the world

In order to fulfill their third task the consortium needed to seperate the worlds territories into managable regions using imaginary borders. But thanks to the marvels of the human eye you won't have to imagine them:


As you can see America is Region 1. This is because America is the best country in the world, or, if you will, Number 1. Though - by what can only be described as a blunder of monumental proportions, whose only peer is that time 20th Century Fox (herein referred to as "The Big Ass") didn't make the movie Aliens vs Predator - the consortium included Canada as part of Region 1. We can only hope that the DVD consortium felt as we Americans do when they came to this fell decision: That Canada is the 51st United State of America.

Region 2, easily identifiable by the color Hot Pink, is a pairing-up of the smelliest pseudo continent in the Universe, Europe, and the only Country in the world ever to manufacture and export Tentacle Rape, Japan. It was clear from the beginning that Regions 1 and 2 would be bitter rivals.

Last week region 2 gained the upper hand in this rivalry when "The Big Ass" released the complete first season of Futurama on DVD in Region 2 and not in Region 1. Unfortunately, the Americans' greatest source of energy, next to food and good ol' American-invented-electricity, is television. But unlike food, if an American is denied television shows, and reruns of their favorite television shows, they will cease to exist. No American has stopped watching TV long enough to prove this, and as long as there's reruns of Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld on every night, no one ever will. In order to make sure these TV shows remain lucrative, the networks need to make sure that they aren't available anywhere else but on TV every night at 9pm, 9:30pm and 10:30pm. For this reason they are reluctant to release entire shows on DVD.

Aint It Cool News had some news today that was probably more appropriate for a site called This Fucking Sucks News: Futurama will not be returning for a 5th season. If releasing season one of Futurama only in region 2 was a knee to the groin of American geeks then this latest development is a high velocity kick to the balls of all the geeks of the world. Those that have paid close attention will note that American geeks have been kicked in the balls a total of two times.

Atleast we can still look forward to Boston Public. Here's a preview of next weeks episode:
You took your students to a morgue, shot a dead body in the head and took pictures of your students having sex with it!
They needed to be exposed to the REAL world!
Okay, you're right. Instead of firing you I'm going to call each of your students' parents and tell them what dumb fucks they are.
Look at me I'm old and probably gay!


If you're so outraged by Futurama's cancellation that you want to let fox Fox know how much dumber they are now than they were at precisely this time yesterday, but are too lazy to write a letter and too poor to buy a postage stamp, you're in luck! There's a petition you can sign and even if it doesn't change Fox's mind atleast there'll be a very long list of names for people to look at if they need random geek victims to stalk.

Fishjizz wants me to remind everyone that he's a stud, consider yourselves reminded.