I finally finished reading The Lord of the Rings after picking up the first book two years ago. Having accomplished that I can now walk into a pub and have a scholarly debate with my fellow Tolkien elitists on subjects like why Street Fighter II's Balrog was just Mike Tyson and not the much more awesome demon of the ancient world (before you say it, I already know his name was M. Bison in the Japanese release so stfu stupid nerd). That brings up the more important question regarding why none of the kids named Jesus at my elementary school in San Diego had magical healing powers. Also, I can finally stop avoiding websites that might have spoiled elements of the story for me. For the past two years the only website I was able to visit was this incredible Futurama porn website.

I'm sure I think the rating system these diary reviewers use is stupid. What's the point of rating things like grammar and navigation on a numeric scale (like 1 - 5)? Is there some chance I'm going to avoid someone's diary because they only got a 4 for grammar? Things like that should be rated using "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" system, if they're to be rated at all. Really, these are diaries we're talking about; emotional outpourings, or in the case of my diary, important historical documents. A diary should be judged probably solely on the quality of the written content. And since my layout is so badass I guess the layout should be rated too.

Frequency of updates shouldn't be rated at all. I update about once a year, a disappointment to exactly three 14 year old girls, but my laziness prevents otherwise. Last time I checked there were 500 billion weblogs in existence. Rather than depend on one person to entertain me with the events of their daily lives I can go to any of the other 500 billion, and the best aspect of this system is that everyone only needs to update once per lifetime of the universe. I want to punch the faces of these reviewers who place so much importance on frequency of updates. Since my fists are made of lime gelatin this should be viewed as more of a delicious dessert offering rather than a physical attack. Holy crap I just submitted this entry and got a "cannot connect to database" error. Good thing I copied the entry to the clipboard first. Always do that or compose your entries in a text editor like notepad! Sorry if no one gets any of my jokes. You'd have to be a hairy geek to get them though so that's a good thing!