Listen, I'm going to be frank here: I only have 2.63 days left before my diaryland gold account reverts back to a normal, non-gold account, and I'm folded back into that crass majority of people who demand that everything be free. Free health care, free contraceptives, free smallpox vaccinations, free internet diaries!

I have to say, I'm pretty disappointed with the way diaryland spent the proceeds from my gold membership fee. About 7% went towards providing bandwidth for all the free diaries, and the other 93% went towards the purchase of a computer so advanced it can calculate the number of days before my gold account expires to the nearest one-hundredth (I think that's right. 2.63? I don't know math. I don't know numbers. Once I figure out what clocks are trying to tell me you can bet your ass I'll stop eating breakfast at sunset.)

All right. There's a dland banner ad with Johnny Depp on it and I am going to click it!