Updated edition: Now with a new and improved relevant joke!

Last week my boss went home to Greece to get married. Afterwards, on her honeymoon, she will travel through Europe and count her blessings. Time will pause for her, at least for a little while, but not for us; the rest of us will trudge breathlessly onward through the fields of decay, and time will bring up the rear with its whiplash. "Plant your crops!" it will command; "Raise your children!"; "Slaughter your cattle!"; "Manage your email lists!" Because my boss's honeymoon path winds mostly through countries still justifiably leery of the Internet's gigantic cheeto auctions and Willam Hung advocates, she will not have access to the Internet, and so has placed me in charge of her high-volume email lists. That's right! Me! In charge! Charge! Me! Ha ha!

So, listen up, if you are one of the unfortunates subscribed to her email lists! There are some new rules. First new rule (this one's important!): No replying to emails from Nigerians offering to put money in your bank account; as manager of the list I am entitled to be the sole recipient of any free money. To help enforce this rule I'm replacing the subject line of all messages you send to the mail list with my bank account routing information. Second new rule: No complaining if I take too long to approve a message you send to the mail list. I'm a busy guy. The undead hordes in Painkiller are not going to lodge wooden stakes into their chests and spill their entrails on the floor all by themselves; ho ho, of course not, no, I have to do that for them with my combination stake gun/grenade launcher. Those are the new rules.

Okay, I have to go. But one last thing, here is my plan for defeating the Sasser virus: Sasser.A through Sasser.D have already been written, so to end it all we have to do is write Sasser.Z! What are they gonna do after that?? Write Sasser.A2? Of course not! They'd look like idiots! It'd be like doing a Friends spinoff with Joey as the main character!