Acneboy
2004-03-15 8:00 a.m.
About Acneboy

Your diarist
Like a modern day John Harrison, Acneboy struggles to gain the acknowledgement of the scientific community for his practical (yet genius) solution to a difficult problem. In the case of Harrison, the problem was how to arrive at one's destination without crashing in to it and dying. For Acneboy the problem was how to survive in a fist fight. Acneboy's solution was to wait for his opponent to fall asleep, and then in the unlikely event that they actually fell asleep, go to town on their face, since Acneboy would definitely lose in any fight where his opponent were awake, or even just half-awake. Also, with regard to Acneboy, it's not so much that the scientific community is stonewalling him, but that it doesn't even know he exists.


The music
In the Fall of 1997 Acneboy joined his highschool's flute choir with one purpose in mind: to rock, and if at all possible, get out of Phys. Ed. Picured above is Acneboy with the band he renamed from Flute Choir to Fulfillment of an Elvish Promise. Although tastefully dressed, Elvish Promise played highly confrontational music, with song titles like Orc Mischief in my Pants and Let's Kill Everybody But Us. Contributing to their bellicose style, they were usually too drunk to know which end of the flute to blow on, so they would just improvise by screaming at the audience while gouging them with their flutes. Despite being barred from performing in the Battle of the Bands due to their affiliation with the highschool music program, they did play some memorable gigs, one of which was the 1997 President's Day Parade where they convinced a lot of veterans that freedom of expression should be erased from the list of things to fight and die for.

Shellyb
Shellyb is an A.I. construct that was written by Acneboy to keep him company. She's based off of code that was originally used by the government to operate its ICBM defense system. Acneboy replaced all of the original routines used for selecting nuclear saturation candidates with new routines that allow her to administer love and affection. There's a chance though that Acneboy has it all backwards, and that Shellyb created him, because she complains about him not doing the dishes a lot, and there's no way he would have intentionally programmed her to do that.